Our Continental flight was cancelled when the flight attendant didn’t show up and the airline couldn’t find another in the Newark area. “Why do we need a flight attendant on a plan this small?” a fellow passenger asked.  “To read us our rights,” I replied. "We don't have any rights." "Well, somebody has to tell us that." "We have the right to remain silent, don't we?" "Yeah, but it'll cost you."

… On a later flight, I was sitting next to a very large guy. When the flight attendant said, “Your seat cushion can be used as a flotation device.” I looked at him and said, “Lots o’ luck.” Then I yelled out, “Since there’s no snack I hope it can be used as food too.” … The airline has altered its message for departing passengers to “We’d like you to think you have a choice in airline travel. But, well, too bad.” … I think the airlines are taking their cost-cutting measures too far. The oxygen masks on our flight require a credit card to operate. ... A new restaurant down the street has a very honest name, designed for American tastes. It’s the ‘Salt, Fat and Sugar Emporium”. ... How many obese American kids does it change a light bulb?. One, if there's a remote available.

Last modified on Sunday, 16 June 2013
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