MagnetoAuthorities are on the lookout for the Brazilian World Cup Soccer team, believed to be missing. The men who showed up for this week’s loss to Germany are presumed to be imposters. It has been extremely difficult to track their whereabouts. Initial efforts have produced the Holy Grail and the grave of Jimmy Hoffa, but failed in pinning down the athletes’ location. … The drama in the new movie, “Dawn of the Planet of the Apes,” is cut short after the humans win when the ape army is attacked by a simian strand of mange.

However, all is not lost in apeland. Maury Povich starts a highly successful morning show providing DNA testing. "Dr. Zauis, you are the monkey's uncle." … Another release, “How to Train Your Dragon 2”, is far more successful than another spin off “How to Potty Train Your Dragon.”  … The continuing success of the X-Men series is giving rise to other spinoffs including “Dr. Wolverine, M.D.” which details the mutant’s medical career, including an ill-advised stint as a proctologist. And there was the teenage partnership between Wolverine and Edward Scissorhands who spent a summer trimming bushes for a landscaper. …. Then there are the family videos of various mutants, including one in which Magneto, who can't hold his booze, is invited to a wedding reception. After the magnetic one downs too much champagne, the bride is skewered while opening  a set of steak knives … Someone asked if I had been following the news about Boko Haram. I said, “Of course, I love their song, “A Whiter Shade of Pale.”

Last modified on Friday, 11 July 2014
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