Actress Betty White’s career has become so hot again she’s going to be the centerfold in next month’s AARP magazine. … After sitting through yet another voicemail instruction, I wondered “Is there a anybody whose options haven’t changed?” …

This morning, moths came pouring out of the oatmeal box when I removed the lid. I was about to get upset but I then looked at the box. Wouldn't you know it? Instead of regular Quaker Oats, I had purchased "Quaker Oats, Now with Extra Insects in Every Bite." ... Originally, there were the three tenors, Pavarotti, Domingo and, as Jerry Seinfeld said, the other guy (OK, Jose Carreras). Then PBS brought us Three Irish Tenors Three Mo’ Tenors (soul brothers) and most recently Three Canadian Tenors. Coming next are Three Guys from Newark who can hit the high notes occasionally. … It’s easy to explain commentator Rush Limbaugh’s statement this week that allowing a mosque near New York’s ground zero was like allowing a Hindu Temple to be built at Pearl Harbor. Rush forget that his tooth brush was set to stun that morning. … A man owned a howler monkey and the creature could let out fierce yells any time of day. But the man didn’t mind and besides, he lived in the country, miles from neighbors on a farm. Then one day, he had to move to the city. He worried about the noise the monkey would make even though he found an apartment that would accept the pet. To his surprise, when he moved in, the monkey didn’t make a peep that day or the next. In fact, the monkey simply stopped screeching and after two weeks, he decided to call a veterinarian. After the vet arrived, the owner explained what happened. The vet looked at the owner. “You moved to the city recently from the country?” The owner nodded. The vet shrugged and said, “It’s simply a matter of no farm, no howl.” Last modified on Sunday, 16 June 2013
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