Someone who did know about the alluring Kardashian sisters remarked on learning the truth "I thought that Kardashian was brand of carpet." "No," I responded. "But they’re easier to lay." … The airports have lanes at the gates for "Passengers with special needs". I just couldn't convince representatives from Continental that I have a special need for long vacations with free air fare.

… Chicago's O'Hare Airport has a sign for an "Animal Relief Area." We had those when I was growing up. But we called them bar parking lots. … Earlier this month my daughter had two wisdom teeth extracted. This week, my wife had a gingivectomy There's been so much oxycodone here it looks like Rush Limbaugh's house. If anybody else here has serious dental surgery, we're going to end up on a DEA watch list. My wife said, "It’s been an hour since I took one, is that why I feel, uh, so?" "So hammered?" I responded. "You probably shouldn't operate any heavy equipment. In fact, I’d say right now, you probably wouldn’t recognize most heavy equipment." She seems to lack a certain amount of life experience. … In light of the current economic climate, the latest reality show will be called, "Survivor, Wall Street." ... There was a proposal to balance out "Labor Day" with a new holiday called "Management Day." But then the proponents realized that already exists. They are called golf outings. ... I knew the egg recall was getting bad when a local supermarket posted a sign, "Warning, Biohazard" in front of the egg section. Then a waiter at a diner said, "That will be extra without the salmonella." Last modified on Sunday, 16 June 2013
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