Random Thoughts

Random Thoughts (717)

RANDOM THOUGHTS: I, CLAUDIUS

Derek Jacobi, "Claudius"When I made a quip somebody asked, "Is that the truth?" "The truth?" I responded. "The Truth? I can't handle the truth." ... Looking at the array of Starbucks flavors over the last year saw a variety I think that was named after Papua New Guinea with a moth under the name and another called Veranda that had the image of a hummingbird. "Which do you want?" a friend asked. "I'd rather have the coffee with the bird in it than the flavor with the moth in. But to tell the truth, neither sounds very appealing." More recently, there was a Sumatran flavor called "earthy and herbal?"

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RANDOM THOUGHTS: STAR TREK

The late Leonard Nemoy, Star Trek's SpockDonald Trump momentarily forgot where he was during Fox News' GOP presidential debate this week. He turned to the nine other candidates and intoned "You're fired." Contenders are trying to disqualify him from running stating that while he was born in the United States, his hair was born in China, so he's not completely a native-born citizen. Actually, voters are so unhappy with both parties they are looking for evidence all were born outside this country. ... Massachusetts police are using a form on Facebook to urge drug dealers to turn in information on competitors. Facebook has added a new button to its usual choice of "Like" and "Unlike", adding "Rat Out".

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RANDOM THOUGHTS: GREECE

The ParthenonNow that Donald Trump has thrown his hair into the ring, the real GOP heavyweight, N.J. Governor Chris Christie, has announced he is running. They are not worried about him supporting the platform. They are worried about the platform supporting him. ... With Greece defaulting on its international loans does that mean we'll see the country feature on Operation Repo? "Just hook that up to this column."

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RANDOM THOUGHTS: NATALIE PORTMAN

Natalie PortmanTabloids are saying Kanye West and wife, Kim Kardashian, are expecting another baby. I hope they exercise discretion when the kid arrives. You know how sometimes parents take pictures of naked babies that embarrass them later in life. Oh wait, this is different. Well, they’d have a child with great skin since they would probably keep it well oiled.  I wonder if they would name their next child, South, following on their first born, North. ... The Iowa Supreme Court has agreed that people have a right to be drunk on their front porches.

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RANDOM THOUGHTS: KING HENRY I

King Henry I I have concluded from observing the photos on websites that the primary users of accounting software are very attractive young people. ... Got a recent email from an unhappy subscriber to the Progressive Accountant. "DROP DEAD, YOU SCUMBAGSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I replied, "Which of our Scumbags do you have in mind?" ... One of those endearing moments with your spouse:  My Wife: I don't think our daughter will ever learn to change how she does things. Me: Gee, I wonder where she gets that? On the same theme as the last post: she wanted me to take the recyclables from the back porch to the street.

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RANDOM THOUGHTS: FLORENCE HENDERSON

Florence HendersonWas walking in the theater district in Manhattan today and saw the marquee for "Finding Neverland." The next biggest sign down the street is for the New York church of Scientology. Very fitting; both are based on fairy tales. ... Peter Pan could never have been invented if the story had been placed in Manhattan. Imagine the police call: "We got this guy down here in tights and a green hat and shirt. Nah, he's not one of the Statue of Liberty guys. Says his name is Peter Pan. Yes, I asked him if he was Hispanic.

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RANDOM THOUGHTS: SAN FRANCISCO

Golden Gate BridgeI left my heart in San Francisco. I'm still trying to figure out where I deposited some of the other organs. ... With the well-publicized drought in California the thought hit me that we might be seeing the little city by the mud flats. But I was assured by locals most of the water comes from the ocean. ... Meanwhile, California prepared to carry out its first executions of people found guilty of violating water use rules. ... I was noticing those sure signs of spring—cars covered with tree pollen and people with hacking coughs.

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RANDOM THOUGHTS: JOHN CALIPARI

John Calipari, University of KentuckyGiven the way the University Kentucky college basketball team has dominated competitors, it has been decided its next opponent will be the New York Knicks. If the Wildcats win the NCAA championship and establish a historic record of 40 wins and no defeats in the regular season and the tourney, U.K. coach John Calipari will be offered the role of emperor of the Commonwealth of Kentucky. That move, however, could produce conflict with the other claimant to the throne, University of Louisville coach Rick Petino.

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RANDOM THOUGHTS: MENENDEZ

Bob Menendez, U.S. SenatorI was standing at the convention center in Atlanta looking toward the sky. "It just makes you thing how insignificant we are; how much life is outside our control; how we are buffeted about by events?" "You mean when confronted with nature?" "No, I mean when confronted with Microsoft." ... I have never gotten the hang of loyalty programs. When I saw a notice at Starbucks promoting that company's program, I asked a barista "Where do I take the loyalty oath?"

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RANDOM THOUGHTS: HILARY

Hilary ClintonThe local Tex-Mex restaurant we dined at last week has "Jim Bowie Filet Mignon" on the menu. "Jim Bowie?" my wife asked. "Yeah, it died at the Alamo," I replied. ... Saw an advertisement for an opportunity to meet a humanoid robot. I was disappointed when it turned out to be an Al Gore speech. ... The Rice Krispies' characters, Snap, Crackle and Pop, have been replaced by characters from countries with cheap and younger labor called Happy Guy, Smily Guy and Silly Guy.

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