Random Thoughts

Random Thoughts (349)

RANDOM THOUGHTS: ALYSSA MILANO

Alyssa MilanoMany people think coal in the stocking is the sign of a bad Christmas. A bad Christmas is one in which the thing you find in your stocking is a foot. ... A photograph this week of actress Alyssa Milano in a see-through dress is sort of like seeing a wet t-shirt competition in which it was not necessary to actually use water. Thought for a minute it was part of public service announcement for La Leche League.

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RANDOM THOUGHTS: FROSTY THE SNOWMAN

Frosty the SnowmanIt used to be life at home came to a halt when we were out of milk, bread or sugar. Now, it comes to a halt when we are out of toner. The St. Bernard just recently arrived with black toner cartridges from Staples. ... Someone noted that the use of the phrase "hoisted on your own petard" is in decline. That's petards just aren't what they used to be. In the old days, you'd get 50 or 60 hoists per petard. Now you're lucky to get two or three .... My wife says I have a soft spot "In your heart?" "No on my head."

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RANDOM THOUGHTS: GEORGE BAILEY

Jimmy Stewart Always fun shopping with your spouse. Mine likes to make fun of my forgetfulness. So after I bought her green tea, she says, "where's the list?" I looked I had put it on the shelf where the tea was stocked. A few minutes later, I'm asking what kind of food to get the grand-dog. "What's on the list?" "I don't know?" as I dug through my stuff. "I don't have it?" I look over as she digs the list out of her bag. "Oh, that list." A few minutes later, she's asking me if I could get chili for Joey. "It's on the prepared aisle." "I couldn't find it." "I'm surprised." I walk to the aisle and pick up two cans of Hormel.

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RANDOM THOUGHTS: KIM AND HORTON

Kim KardashianHorton, separated at birth?Hands free phones have disrupted the pattern of life by making it difficult to detect the crazy people. We have to make more noise to stand out. ... There's a new set of wedding vows making the rounds that is appropriate for the modern era. It ends with "You must accept terms and conditions." ... A coffee store at Newark Airport offers something labeled a "Taste of Fall." I ordered it and got a cup of cider with one red and one brown maple leaf floating in it.

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RANDOM THOUGHTS: WILLIE NELSON

Willie NelsonA restaurant in my hotel in Alexandria, Va., offers something called Amish chicken, which refers to how it's dressed—white shirt, black pants and jacket and a panama hat. I was more baffled by the cast iron cod. Sounds tough on the teeth. ... Many of the sessions at Thomson Reuters' Synergy conference are on the same floor as those of the Society for Inmmunotherapy of Cancer. Several member of the SITC mistakenly sat in tax classes and had to be treated for second- and third-degree boredom.

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RANDOM THOUGHTS: CYRANO

Halloween can be dangerous. "Are you Cyrano de Bergerac or Pinocchio?" I asked one person at a party. "Oh, that's not a mask. Sorry?" ... Ordered from the senior breakfast at a local restaurant. It's not food for old people—they make the meals from old chickens and old pigs. ... I figured out why the White Rabbit in "Alice in Wonderland" was late. He forgot to set his clock forward in the Spring.

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RANDOM THOUGHTS: KING

Larry KingBoth ComCast and TimeWarner shareholders have now approved their companies' merger. The new slogan will be "We will assimilate you. Resistance is futile." ... You have to feel for my wife. She's the daughter of, spouse of and mother of an only child. ... I guess we won't be seeing that long awaited "Seventh Heaven Reunion" now. It's looking about as likely now as a "Bonanza" reunion. ... Put my cellphone through the washing machine recently. Can somebody tell me if it's warm wash/cold rinse or cold wash/cold rinse? Might have made a difference. I'm thinking this is what we're looking forward to as wearable devices become more prevalent.

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RANDOM THOUGHTS: MILEY'S BATH

Miley CyrusMiley Cyrus, currently the queen of uninhibited performance, recently released selfies taken while she was in the bath and shower. Let’s hope this does not start a trend. Next thing, we’ll have pictures of politicians in the bath all over the place. Anthony Weiner, where are you?  Well, I suppose it beats watching her kissing a hammer and swinging on a wrecking ball.  Miley is also likely to win a contract for endorsing certain inflatable toys, given a recent appearance in Latin America.

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RANDOM THOUGHTS: N.J.'S CHRIS CHRISTIE

Gov. Chris ChristieThe theater in my hometown, which plays less than first runs, is playing “How to Train Your Dragon 2”. Coming next is the far less successful and messier “How Not to Train Your Dragon”, a more disgusting affair. … The weight the New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie has lost will be assembled and chosen as his vice presidential running mate in 2016. Well, there should be enough … It was so inspiring to see the Christmas decorations on sale in Lowe’s last week. It just put me in the holiday spirit. They could lengthen this and have festive banner proclaiming “Christmas Every Day”. (Apologies to Franz Kafka.)

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RANDOM THOUGHTS: THE FIGHTING PALINS

Sarah PalinNoticed on TV a heavy focus on the Amish. We’ve had “The Amish Mafia”, “Escaping Amish” and “Amish Out of Order.” Coming soon Is “Amish the Next Generation.” “Ay, Captain Schwartz; set the horses for maximum power and head for the nearest herb store.”  …. There’s a similar fascination on reality TV with Alaska. So there is “Escaping Alaska”, “Alaska State Troopers”, and “Alaska, the Last Frontier.”

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