Random Thoughts

Random Thoughts (694)

RANDOM THOUGHTS: POPPA JAGGER

Mick Jagger,  The Rolling StonesI had a difficult night sleeping. The memory foam in my mattress had an attack of amnesia. Actually, there was a recent case in which a husband accused his wife of cheating after the mattress apparently remember the shape of another man. ... As always around Christmastime, some TV stations load up on syrupy movies such as "A Golden Christmas" and its sequels.

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RANDOM THOUGHTS: KENDALL JENNER

Kendall JenneraFresh from successful efforts to convince Carrier from relocating 1,400 jobs from Indiana to Mexico, president-elect Donald Trump is on the way to the North Pole. He hopes to persuade Santa to kill plans to replace his help with Chinese and Mexican elves. ,,, My wife and I were at a drug store and she was looking for a small packet of wipes for an upcoming trip. "I've seen them here before." "Maybe you should ask for help," I said. She walked up and down the aisle. "I can't find them. "Maybe you should ask for help," I commented. She went to the front of the store. "Maybe you should ask for help" I said. "No," she said looking at the person at the register. "She just came in." I said, "There are other people to ask. Maybe you should ask for help." This message is brought to you as a service to men everywhere. ... Recently, Kardashian half-sister Kendall Jenner officially became a Victoria's Secret model and earned the wings the scantily dressed girls are known for. Many would hope that sister, Kim, and her husband, Kanye West, would get wings and fly away. ... A friend was recently trying to cheer me up after a set back. "What would your father advise you if you fell off a horse?. "Shoot the horse," I replied. "He believed in not wasting effort." ... A woman who accidentally invited a teenager to Thanksgiving followed through by celebrating with him. It turns out he was much better company than most members of her family. .... In a remake of "The Twilight Zone" written by liberal Democrats, a New York real estate developer is elected president of the United States against all odds. Oh wait...

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RANDOM THOUGHTS: OMAROSA

Omarosa Photography by Glenn Francis of PacificProDigital.com And today's answer in "Airplane Jeopardy" is "An arm and a leg." "Bob?" "What do you need to chop off to fit comfortably into a middle seat". ... A man in the line of front of me was tackled by TSA employees and wrestled to the ground. "A terrorist?" I asked the lady at the counter at the gate. "No, he tried to bring a Samsung Galaxy Note7 on board," she replied.

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RANDOM THOUGHTS: SEVEN DWARVES

Seven Dwarves (from original movie trailer)I have reached that age where people worry about me when I fall asleep in public. I was snoozing at the Dolphin Hotel convention center in Orlando, Fla., when a woman asked me if I was OK. "Yeah, except for those vultures perched over in the corner," I replied. ...I also took a nostalgic tour of the Walt Disney Assisted Living Center for Retired Animated Creatures.

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RANDOM THOUGHTS: SILVIO BURLOSCONI

Silvio Burlosconi, former Italian prime ministerThere have always been plenty of people to allege some corporate logos contain subliminal messages. One group of conspiracy fans has taken this further, claiming Taco Bells' "Run for the Border" campaign was actually designed to encourage illegal immigration. You may remember the continuing allegations that the Proctor & Gamble logo contains a Satanic symbol.

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RANDOM THOUGHTS: MIKE PENCE

Mike Pence, vice presidential candidateThe guy next door is our neighborhood's angry-old man. A couple of nights ago, he sat in his car in front of his house for hours setting off and silencing the car's alarm system. I didn't start to worry until I found a piece of paper in his garbage can that was filled with the phrase "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy"

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RANDOM THOUGHTS: HILARY CLINTON

Hilary ClintonAt the QuickChek Festival of Ballooning this week it was discovered that surprisingly the Chris Christie balloon did not need to be inflated. Festival organizers said it carried a naturally occurring supply of hot air. It stayed surprising close to the Donald Trump balloon which spent most of the time trying to keep Mexican balloons from crossing the border.

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RANDOM THOUGHTS: CANDIDATE TRUMP

Donald TrumpNow that he has endorsed Hilary Clinton as the Democratic nominee for president, Sen. Bernie Sanders will appear in a series of TV commercials in which he is asked, "How do you get to the White House?" Seated in front of a Vermont country store, he drawls, "You can't get there from here." He is also contemplating a series of Vermont Fried Chicken restaurants featuring fried chicken and maple syrup.

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RANDOM THOUGHTS: U.K.'S CAMERON

David Cameron, British prime ministerI noted one of the national drug store chains has completed its consumer healthcare signage logically. In addition to places on the aisle for footcare, eye care and oral care there is now a place for miscellaneous body part care ... Police have found a heroin mill behind a secret door at a New York City candy store.

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RANDOM THOUGHTS: KIM K, GQ

Kim KardashianMy wife said she was going to a "Girl's Night Out" event this weekend. I said, "Don't you mean 'Older Women's Night' Out?" ... My wife and I are just a couple of romantics. I called her mid-week and asked, "Are we doing anything Saturday?" "Yes, we're going to that memorial service." "Probably not for our anniversary." "Oh." ... I was somewhat taken aback at the headline in the area weekly newspaper today:

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