Random Thoughts

Random Thoughts (694)

RANDOM THOUGHTS: DR. WHO

Peter Capaldi, “Dr. Who”, Photo by Gage SkidmoreI just accepted a LinkedIn invitation from someone with years of experience in counterintelligence. I am assuming my writing has been viewed as a serious threat to intelligence globally. … In the upcoming movie, “Harry Potter and the Heartbreak of Psoriasis”, the evil Lord Voldemort tries to vanquish the students of Hogwarts by inflicting them with ugly, red skin patches that cause them to hide in shame in the school.

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RANDOM THOUGHTS: UNITED AIRLINES

Jeff Smisek, former CEO, United AirlinesGas prices are so low and dropping so fast that when I went out this morning the nearest station had a sign that said "make us an offer". ...Some observers believe New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady is still inflating game balls for his team's benefit. Officials became suspicious when the footballs began floating prior to kickoff. Brady spiked the ball after a touchdown and officials immediately seized it to investigate what he spiked it with. And there was a potential new issue when the coach of the Pittsburgh Steelers suggested his team had more problems with headsets when his team plays in New England.

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RANDOM THOUGHTS: PRESIDENT MCKINLEY

President William McKinleyLast week there was a bomb scare at the Gold Star Chili in Versailles, Ind., my neck of the woods. I figured the scare was the aftermath of somebody eating too much chili. It reminded me that at that town's fall festival, the Pumpkin Show, I heard the following over the PA system. "All girls who want to win a three-way, report to the grandstand." If you don't know chili, that's rather jarring. Wonder how many people actually wanted a bowl of the restaurant's finest?

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RANDOM THOUGHTS: JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT

Jennifer Love Hewitt News reports this week say two men who could not swim were hospitalized after jumping into the canal at "The Venetian" resort in Las Vegas, Nev. That immediately had sports books posting odds for the "Sink or Swim" competition. Naturally, most bets are on the under so over odds tend to be quite large. ... An Oregon couple provided a marijuana bar at their recently wedding where they promised to love each other for richer or poorer, for better or worse and for, uh something that sounds like a cake singing, I don't know.

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RANDOM THOUGHTS: JOSH DUGGAR

Josh DuggarA friend of mine was not doing so well in rehab. "But I thought he went to the Ford clinic," another acquaintance asked. "Yeah, but it was not the Betty Ford Clinic; it's the Rob Ford Clinic." "Rob Ford, the former Toronto mayor?" "It's a mixed bag. You don't get better, but you have a lot more fun." ... GOP presidential candidate Donald Trump was photographed on the campaign trail holding a bald eagle. Trump promised to cure baldness in all eagles with a new line of comb overs. "A toupee on every bird; a chicken in every pot, and an illegal Mexican in every car heading south," the Donald said.

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RANDOM THOUGHTS: I, CLAUDIUS

Derek Jacobi, "Claudius"When I made a quip somebody asked, "Is that the truth?" "The truth?" I responded. "The Truth? I can't handle the truth." ... Looking at the array of Starbucks flavors over the last year saw a variety I think that was named after Papua New Guinea with a moth under the name and another called Veranda that had the image of a hummingbird. "Which do you want?" a friend asked. "I'd rather have the coffee with the bird in it than the flavor with the moth in. But to tell the truth, neither sounds very appealing." More recently, there was a Sumatran flavor called "earthy and herbal?"

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RANDOM THOUGHTS: STAR TREK

The late Leonard Nemoy, Star Trek's SpockDonald Trump momentarily forgot where he was during Fox News' GOP presidential debate this week. He turned to the nine other candidates and intoned "You're fired." Contenders are trying to disqualify him from running stating that while he was born in the United States, his hair was born in China, so he's not completely a native-born citizen. Actually, voters are so unhappy with both parties they are looking for evidence all were born outside this country. ... Massachusetts police are using a form on Facebook to urge drug dealers to turn in information on competitors. Facebook has added a new button to its usual choice of "Like" and "Unlike", adding "Rat Out".

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RANDOM THOUGHTS: GREECE

The ParthenonNow that Donald Trump has thrown his hair into the ring, the real GOP heavyweight, N.J. Governor Chris Christie, has announced he is running. They are not worried about him supporting the platform. They are worried about the platform supporting him. ... With Greece defaulting on its international loans does that mean we'll see the country feature on Operation Repo? "Just hook that up to this column."

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RANDOM THOUGHTS: NATALIE PORTMAN

Natalie PortmanTabloids are saying Kanye West and wife, Kim Kardashian, are expecting another baby. I hope they exercise discretion when the kid arrives. You know how sometimes parents take pictures of naked babies that embarrass them later in life. Oh wait, this is different. Well, they’d have a child with great skin since they would probably keep it well oiled.  I wonder if they would name their next child, South, following on their first born, North. ... The Iowa Supreme Court has agreed that people have a right to be drunk on their front porches.

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RANDOM THOUGHTS: KING HENRY I

King Henry I I have concluded from observing the photos on websites that the primary users of accounting software are very attractive young people. ... Got a recent email from an unhappy subscriber to the Progressive Accountant. "DROP DEAD, YOU SCUMBAGSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I replied, "Which of our Scumbags do you have in mind?" ... One of those endearing moments with your spouse:  My Wife: I don't think our daughter will ever learn to change how she does things. Me: Gee, I wonder where she gets that? On the same theme as the last post: she wanted me to take the recyclables from the back porch to the street.

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