Random Thoughts

Random Thoughts (346)

RANDOM THOUGHTS: FLORENCE HENDERSON

Florence HendersonWas walking in the theater district in Manhattan today and saw the marquee for "Finding Neverland." The next biggest sign down the street is for the New York church of Scientology. Very fitting; both are based on fairy tales. ... Peter Pan could never have been invented if the story had been placed in Manhattan. Imagine the police call: "We got this guy down here in tights and a green hat and shirt. Nah, he's not one of the Statue of Liberty guys. Says his name is Peter Pan. Yes, I asked him if he was Hispanic.

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RANDOM THOUGHTS: SAN FRANCISCO

Golden Gate BridgeI left my heart in San Francisco. I'm still trying to figure out where I deposited some of the other organs. ... With the well-publicized drought in California the thought hit me that we might be seeing the little city by the mud flats. But I was assured by locals most of the water comes from the ocean. ... Meanwhile, California prepared to carry out its first executions of people found guilty of violating water use rules. ... I was noticing those sure signs of spring—cars covered with tree pollen and people with hacking coughs.

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RANDOM THOUGHTS: JOHN CALIPARI

John Calipari, University of KentuckyGiven the way the University Kentucky college basketball team has dominated competitors, it has been decided its next opponent will be the New York Knicks. If the Wildcats win the NCAA championship and establish a historic record of 40 wins and no defeats in the regular season and the tourney, U.K. coach John Calipari will be offered the role of emperor of the Commonwealth of Kentucky. That move, however, could produce conflict with the other claimant to the throne, University of Louisville coach Rick Petino.

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RANDOM THOUGHTS: MENENDEZ

Bob Menendez, U.S. SenatorI was standing at the convention center in Atlanta looking toward the sky. "It just makes you thing how insignificant we are; how much life is outside our control; how we are buffeted about by events?" "You mean when confronted with nature?" "No, I mean when confronted with Microsoft." ... I have never gotten the hang of loyalty programs. When I saw a notice at Starbucks promoting that company's program, I asked a barista "Where do I take the loyalty oath?"

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RANDOM THOUGHTS: HILARY

Hilary ClintonThe local Tex-Mex restaurant we dined at last week has "Jim Bowie Filet Mignon" on the menu. "Jim Bowie?" my wife asked. "Yeah, it died at the Alamo," I replied. ... Saw an advertisement for an opportunity to meet a humanoid robot. I was disappointed when it turned out to be an Al Gore speech. ... The Rice Krispies' characters, Snap, Crackle and Pop, have been replaced by characters from countries with cheap and younger labor called Happy Guy, Smily Guy and Silly Guy.

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RANDOM THOUGHTS: CONRAD HILTON

Conrad HiltonDo you know what to call a very amorous person suffering from a disease caused by antibiotic-resistant germs? An incurable romantic. ... There is a new gang terrorizing the country whose members operate in complete silence and worship Marcel Marceau. They are, of course, the Criminal Mimes. ... It is now illegal in Las Vegas for any casino not to have a Cirque de Soleil show. ... ... Actor Harrison Ford's emergency landing in his airplane drew praise for his skill as a pilot.

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RANDOM THOUGHTS: MUTANT TURTLES

Teenage Mutant Ninja TurtlesAnother round of topless photographs of Miley Cyrus hit the web this week. The thing we are dreading is the first Bruce Jenner topless shots. Meanwhile, editors at Sports Illustrated have been shattered after learning that one of their swimsuit models went flat during a shot. The New England Patriots are being blamed. ... Interesting that in London firefighters say light refracted by a Nutella jar caused a house fire. Can't you just see the future?:

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RANDOM THOUGHTS: THE COLD

White QueenI'll have you know it took a lot of hard work and trial and error for me to continue making the mistakes I make today. ... When my daughter was in high school she asked, "Dad, have you ever been arrested." "No, but I would put that in the category of minor miracle," I replied. ... It was so cold while I was back in Indiana that there was a line of brass monkeys behind me sobbing inconsolably. How cold was it? It was so cold there were countywide remnants of tongues on pump handles.

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RANDOM THOUGHTS: BRIAN WILLIAMS

Brian Williams, NBBThe Grand Hyatt Hotel in San Antonio has this sign on guest floors: "Be considerate of other guest between 10 pm. and 6 am." I guess you can treat them like dirt the rest of the time. ... This announcement was made on an American Airlines flight as I was traveling back from San Antonio. "If there's anything we can do to make you more comfortable, you can ask. But don't kid yourself. We can't." (OK, so I added some words.)

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RANDOM THOUGHTS: SUPERBOWL

SUPERBOWL"He's got a bad case of metal illness," I commented about someone to a friend. "You mean mental illness!" "No, I mean metal. He's as dense as a block of lead." ... January has been declared National Flu month this year. Oh, you mean there's nothing unusual about that?. ... Panasonic has introduced a new breadmaker with gluten free-baking mode. It comes in two editions, standard and pious.

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