... I have concluded that in his youth, the Buddha was a compulsive shopper. That's because I believe the term "enlightenment" stems from the feeling you have in your wallet after buying something you didn't need. It has been significantly enlightened. ... Although you definitely can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar, I have never established catching more flies as one of my more important personal goals. ... There was an old lady who swallowed a fly. I don't know why she swallowed a fly. Well, I now know why - her doctor had suggested she follow a vegan diet and she'd rather die. The fly seemed far preferable. ... The big 1950s hit by Little Peggy March, "I Will Follow Him" has been rewritten to the more modern "I'll tweet him. I'll tweet him. I’ll tweet him. And where he goes I’ll follow I’ll follow I’ll follow. ... When I went to the rink for my ice skating lesson this week, there were several county sheriff’s department vehicles parked near the front door. These included one labeled "Weapons of mass destruction detection." "Is there something you're not telling us?" I asked the woman who runs the skating program. It was just for National Night Out.