... Turns out the clap-on, clap-off defibrillator was not a great idea. ... For the Super Bowl this year, the best product on the market is the NFL Fan Calorie Counter. It measures calories burned from walking from the couch to the refrigerator to get more beer. There are also counts assigned to Jumping up and shouting at a touchdown, and partly rising in angst and clutching your head in your hands when something goes against your favorites. The genius of the device is when user hits a button to total calories spent and compare them to calories ingested it resets to zero, since fans really don't' want to know. They just want to pretend they are making progress. ... In an effort to meet the insatiable appetite for wings, scientists have developed a chicken with six wings. It's reported to be very tasty, but extremely frightening if you meet one in the dark. ... Why did the illegal chicken cross the road? We don't know, but we are not letting them taken jobs from good, American chickens.