Estimated reading time: 1 minute, 25 seconds


Hilary ClintonThe local Tex-Mex restaurant we dined at last week has "Jim Bowie Filet Mignon" on the menu. "Jim Bowie?" my wife asked. "Yeah, it died at the Alamo," I replied. ... Saw an advertisement for an opportunity to meet a humanoid robot. I was disappointed when it turned out to be an Al Gore speech. ... The Rice Krispies' characters, Snap, Crackle and Pop, have been replaced by characters from countries with cheap and younger labor called Happy Guy, Smily Guy and Silly Guy.

After a well-publicized drunken rampage about the change, disconsolate Snap was found floating in a bowl of soggy cereal. He left a note stating, "Snap, Crackle..., who gives a ....?" Pall bearers will include Captain Crunch; Lucky the Leprechaun; Toucan Sam and Count Chocula. ... I found out why Hilary Clinton kept a personal email account at the State Department. She was waiting for a response from the Nigerian prince after she sent him a large check. Actually, she was using it to monitor Bill's email... Headline: 2050. Republicans in the House of Representatives have named the 80th committee on Benghazi. ... I saw an advertisement for Disney tours from an agency called, "It's All About the Mouse." But I went with a company called "Mouse Tours", which offered cheaper packages. We ended up visiting a lot of scientific laboratories. ... Had to grab a bowl from the dishwasher and rinse it out because the others were dirty. I must not have done the best job as there was a distinct taste of garlic. I don't think Quaker Oats with Maple Syrup and Garlic is going to be a best seller. ... If a bear is in the woods and there's nobody there to see it, never mind.

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