Estimated reading time: 1 minute, 23 seconds


Florence HendersonWas walking in the theater district in Manhattan today and saw the marquee for "Finding Neverland." The next biggest sign down the street is for the New York church of Scientology. Very fitting; both are based on fairy tales. ... Peter Pan could never have been invented if the story had been placed in Manhattan. Imagine the police call: "We got this guy down here in tights and a green hat and shirt. Nah, he's not one of the Statue of Liberty guys. Says his name is Peter Pan. Yes, I asked him if he was Hispanic.

He said, 'Hispanic?' I said, "Yeah, 'Pan', bread, you know?" He says he can fly if sprinkled with fairy dust. I know. I asked if he knew how to get home. He said, "Turn right at the first star and straight through until morning." Yeah I called a van to take him to Bellevue for observation. ... I don't like thinking outside of the box. I prefer to stay in the box in a fetal position. It makes me feel a lot safer. ... There was something about finding out that TV star and singer Florence Henderson got crabs from the late New York City Mayor John Lindsay.  The whole news item was about as appealing as watching a game of strip poker at an assisted living center. "And in this episode of "The Brady Bunch', Greg asks his parents about the dandruff he found moving and mom talks about her plans to be involved deeply in New York politics. ... Somebody half-heard the report and said, "Crabs? Are you watching 'The Deadliest Catch'"? "Oh, they're not quite that bad," I replied.

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