Jimmy HoffaThe xero and five Giants football team has been officially declared a disaster area. New Yorkers are demanding the team, which has played in the Meadowlands in New jersey for decades, be named the Jersey Giants. There have been alternate suggestions that authorities mount another search for the body of former teamster leader, Jimmy Hoffa, in the playing field and bury the team while the ground is open.

... After discovering the Higgs-Boson, scientists have made another important discovery, that of another Kardashian sister, Kinky, who has been kept chained in a basement for most of her life. ... In the meantime, the budget impasse in Congress continued with a plume of black smoke providing yet another signal of its inability to reach a decision. Throughout the halls, visitors can hear the angry shouts of "Less filling" and "Tastes great" from the uncompromising factions. ...  Speaking of bad feelings, this weekend I'm singing in a chorus which is performing a concert version of Verdi's classic opera, "Aida". It's a typical opera plot - everyone dies, and nobody is happy - sort of like Congress. ... And like Congress, opera companies have their budget issues. To avoid paying overtime to the union orchestra, the conductor made severe cuts. So the famous triumphal march, instead of including a seemingly endless stream of characters playing victorious and conquered armies -  and the occasional elephant - has been reduced to a couple of high school drum and bugle corps and a cub scout pack towing a stuff elephant in a red wagon. And instead of being entombed and joined by his beloved Aida, the hero, Radames is given a stern warning by the Pharaoh. ... About 20 years ago, I performed "Aida" with another chorus and then-Newark, N.J. mayor Sharpe James played one of the captives in chains. Looking back, I realize James was in training for his prison sentence following his 2008 conviction for fraud.

Last modified on Friday, 11 October 2013
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