Halloween can be dangerous. "Are you Cyrano de Bergerac or Pinocchio?" I asked one person at a party. "Oh, that's not a mask. Sorry?" ... Ordered from the senior breakfast at a local restaurant. It's not food for old people—they make the meals from old chickens and old pigs. ... I figured out why the White Rabbit in "Alice in Wonderland" was late. He forgot to set his clock forward in the Spring.

... Got very confused at the Orlando airport. Went to the "Lids" store and asked if they sell lids. "Not only are you confused, you're old," the clerk replied. You can imagine the response at the nearby "Lush" store. ... A recent celebrity news item shows a picture of Miley Cyrus and says her outfit leaves nothing to the imagination. Oh, I don't know. My imagination was doing quite fine. ... The "This" network, which carries programming not up to the high standards of the "Ion" network, has been carrying Halloween movies. These are on the order of "Friday the 13th 59", "The Amityville Horror 47" and other movies featuring actors saying little, staring into old buildings and accompanied by menacing music. Some of these have been update, such as "The Selfie of Dorian Gray". "Children of the Corn" has been followed by a tribute to better diets with "Children of the Chinoa". Then there's the even scarier, "Children of the Kardashians." Meanwhile, the 1982 thriller "The Thing" has been recast as a musical with the protagonist singing a gloomy version of "It was just one of those things." ... Late breaking news: members of the U.S. Congress have been signed as a group for a new season of "The Walking Dead." ... The response flight back from Orlando had lots of seat room, well, if you are missing both arms.

Last modified on Friday, 31 October 2014
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