... Agway is also selling a variety of chrysanthemums under the name Global Warming Mums (really). I asked how they are moving. I was told liberals like them a lot but they can't get conservatives to buy them. ... Decided I don't need to spend money on a DNA test. I have some nice people who are telling me I'm related to royalty in Nigeria and they've left me a lot of money. ... The release of tapes from President Richard Nixon reveal the desperation in the last days of his administration as he shouted at Henry Kissinger "Don't talk with your mouth full! And don't fidget while I talk to you. And stop tracking mud across my nice clean floor." ... In a making lemonade-from-lemons move, Japan will try to capitalize on the radioactive water leaking into the ocean by opening the world's first aquarium that features glow-in-the-dark marine life. ... Microsoft's directors plan to audition candidates to replace retiring CEO Steve Ballmer. Each gets the chance to throw a chair down the hall while yelling "We're screwed."