Estimated reading time: 1 minute, 20 seconds


 You know you are back in Las Vegas when you pay $4 for a Twinkie because the plane arrived late and all the restaurants are closed;

you are greeted by a recording of a Wayne Newton song as you head down the escalators to reach baggage claim; you realize most of the people at the conference will be too young to recognize a Wayne Newton song; you know that you will walk farther to reclaim your bag than you normally walk in a day; you are in a cab line at 10:30 p.m. and there are 50 people ahead of you; you realize nobody under 40 is taking a cab; you realize on the way between your hotel room and the convention center in the same facility you should have rented a car to get there. … The only unnerving thing was the sound of screaming when I was walking through the baggage claim area. I thought maybe someone had sent their hotel bill after the kids got into the mini-bar. But it was just an effect for one of the shows being advertised. … I think the Vegas Airport finally removed that advertisement for the Australian male show “Thunder Down Under”. It had been there so long the guys in the picture probably had very little thunder left down there. … Dog DNA tests are being marketed. It’s great as long as the dog doesn’t show up on your tree. “Grandma, is there something you didn’t tell us about your family.” But the good news is I should not be hard to collect saliva in a tube from Fido.

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