In the upcoming movie, "The Lord of the Ring, the Later Years," Frodo is so fat that when he puts on the ring of power, he can't get it off and the Hobbits spend the rest of the movie looking for him; most orcs have joined the Teamsters Union, the Eye of Sauron has been fitted for bifocals, and the older elves are in assisted living in the undying lands. They can recount legends of thousands of years ago, but most can't remember their own names.

Intuit took its reselling crew on a night at Chicago's Soldier Field of feasting on bland hot dogs and bacon burgers that tasted surprisingly similar to packing materials. Even though the beer was free, I automatically handed the concessionaire a twenty dollar bill and walked away. ...

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