Estimated reading time: 1 minute, 36 seconds

RANDOM THOUGHTS: ALY RAISMAN

Scientists believe that modern humans met and interbred with Neanderthals around the area of modern Israel. I can imagine the parents' reaction when a Homo Sapiens girl brought home her new boyfriend. "I don't know what you see in him. He's such a Neanderthal. ... Speaking of that older species, my genetic test done by 23andMe shows I have more Neanderthal ancestry than the average person. "From the way you leave you clothing lying around, I'm not surprised," my wife commented on first learning the news.

.... In what is likely the last of the popular thriller movie franchise, "The Bourne Infirmity" is finishing production. Always filled with action, this edition shows an aging Jason Bourne escaping pursuers by plunging into a canal. But then he comes back to reality and realizes he's getting a sponge bath. ... Cirque du Soleil, that staple of Las Vegas hotels, has been sold to a private equity group. Layoffs were announced which provided great difficulties when one of three members of the high wire act was cut. ... Olympic Gold medal gymnastic Ali posed nude in the ESPN body issue in poses that sort of characterized her sport. That suggests a way to make women's gymnastics more popular with men. It would certainly do wonders for the synchronized competition. ... Golf champ Tiger Woods has been slumping lately. But reports that he has been active in his other championship endeavors—affairs of the body—are encouraging. It's nice to see he can still get it in the hole. ... Scientists have produced the latest in the homage to America's favorite breakfast meat with bacon-flavored seaweed. We'll be seeing McDonald's roll out "McWeed" for the morning meal. It will come with cheese and bacon. ... Denver voters are being asked to vote on a measure that would legalize the smoking of marijuana in bars. It has the support of tavern owners who anticipate a huge spike in the sale of bar food.

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