Estimated reading time: 1 minute, 11 seconds

RANDOM THOUGHTS: CHARLIE SHEEN

Charlie Sheen made a lot of news after checking into rehab after cavorting with five adult film stars and a brief case full of white powder.  But his gift card is still good for IHOP (International House of Prostitution). And he's just being frugal, taking a lesson from the squirrels; He’d been storing his nuts for the winter.

The actor is so worn down that NBC is renaming his hit show, "Two and a Quarter Men". There's been a suggestion Sheen should be memorialized for his physical accomplishments on Mount Rushmore, although it probably wouldn't be his face. ...  This has been such a bad winter. Groundhog Day turned tragic when Punxsutawney Phil looked at the pile of ice and snow outside his burrow and threw himself in front of a snow plow. However, injuries weren’t life threatening and he’s expected to enjoy watching the Steelers’ play at the Super Bowl from his hospital bed. If he doesn't recuperate, the furry animal will be replaced by Charlie Sheen, who, if he sees his shadow after leaving rehab, will have six more weeks of whoring. In case Phil doesn't make it, Punxsutawney residents have the "Road Kill Cook Book" handy. There's a great recipe for Punxsutawney stew.... People just say silly things. "They buried John yesterday," I told a friend. "We certainly hope so. Anyway, that’s what they were saying before the casket was closed."
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