My uncle had three wives and was on the verge of having a fourth when the last candidate wised up.  I was thinking of this at the funeral of his first wife because it occurred to me that he was a man who planned ahead. He never changed wives without having a spare ready to go.

… I was standing my mother’s driveway  in Indiana and a car pulled up with an old guy with long stringy hair and some bleached blonde with no teeth. I was thinking “who are these people”. Then I realized, “Oh they’re family.” Always nice to get together with the cousins. Remind me that the lady would really appreciate a new set of teeth for Christmas. ... The people out near our farm are so enterprising. Why we just learned that one of our neighbors had been running a highly successful meth lab. Talk about small business in action. ... We don’t have self-service gasoline stations in New Jersey, so I am often baffled by how to pay in the 49 states that do. I read the sign on the pump “Please pre-pay in advance.” So I went into the building and asked “Can I pre-pay later?” I don’t know why people get so upset with me sometimes. But somebody got even when they sold me a defective tool. “I thought your ad said you have a moneyback guarantee,” I complained. “We do,” said the clerk. “We guarantee you don’t get your money back.”

Last modified on Sunday, 16 June 2013
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