White QueenI'll have you know it took a lot of hard work and trial and error for me to continue making the mistakes I make today. ... When my daughter was in high school she asked, "Dad, have you ever been arrested." "No, but I would put that in the category of minor miracle," I replied. ... It was so cold while I was back in Indiana that there was a line of brass monkeys behind me sobbing inconsolably. How cold was it? It was so cold there were countywide remnants of tongues on pump handles.

It's so cold, the White Queen from the "Lion, Witch and the Wardrobe" was offered Boston as part of her Kingdom, but said the weather was too bad. It was so cold the early bird said, "Screw it, I'm moving to Florida. Someone else can have the worm." It's so cold some people are calling for Disney's movie "Frozen" to be banned as piece of terrorist propaganda and ice cream is being termed un-American. It was so cold the Southern Baptists started dancing for the warmth. But the buzzards around here were very happy to have carrion-cicles.... Someone asked if I had watched "The Hunger Games." "No," I said. "I'll wait for the Final Four." ... " I follow the Marie Antoinette theory of business," I told a friend. "Marie Antoinette?" he responded "Yes it's all about execution." ... The offer for Bruce Jenner to star in a remake of "Father Knows Best" has been withdrawn. However, he is being considered for a new version of "Queer Eye for the .well, uh, we're not sure."

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