Estimated reading time: 1 minute, 40 seconds


It’s almost Labor Day and can Christmas displays be far behind. Join the competition to see who can get the most disgusted by the earliest the displays go up.

…. Speaking of holidays, the Halloween candy displays went up a couple of weeks ago. I propose making it a federal crime to flavor any additional items with pumpkin spice. … Resigned New York Governor Andrew Cuomo and Florida Representative Matt Gaetz are the leading contenders for this year’s Eliot Spitzer prize. Spitzer is the former New York governor who resigned in 2008 for his habit of employing professional woman—well, professional at $1,000 per hour. Gaetz is considered a shoo-in the award in the juvenile division. Cuomo was a hands-on governor, which many people can testify to, most of them women. Cuomo was initially considered a candidate for the Bill Cosby Repeat Offender Award but was ruled out because of his abysmal completed pass percentage. ... It seems to me that Star Fleet command should request refunds on starship shields. They just don’t hold up. It always seems when the artillery starts up on Star Trek episodes that after the first strike we hear, “Shields are down to 70 percent. 50 percent, 30 percent”. ”Damn it, Scotty, can you adjust this thing?” “Sorry captain, performance went downhill after the warranty ran out." About five strikes and they are done for. … … One of the local supermarkets is big enough that instead of having simply numbered aisles, they also have them designated as west and east. I was asking for the location of something, and the service desk said, “That’s at the end of 9W. Make sure you don’t go to 10W”. “Why not?” I asked. “That’s where planes land in the late afternoon.”  ... The Oscar Mayer Wienermobile is in our town, Parsippany, N.J. this weekend. I guess that's like one time I was in our building in Manhattan and saw the Publisher's Clearing House Prize Patrol. It's nice to know these aren't just legends.

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