Random Thoughts

Random Thoughts (349)

RANDOM THOUGHTS; THE LIMBAUGH

There’s a new dance out called the Limbaugh. It’s like the limbo. And while there’s no bar, the phrase “How low can you go?” fits perfectly. I completely understand Limbaugh's being perplexed at someone wanting aid in buying birth control pills. He just cannot fathom anyone having trouble getting prescription drugs. … I have empathy for the organic food movement and we buy some things organic. On the other hand, growing up on a farm, I’ve always understood that manure is also organic. Read more...

RANDOM THOUGHTS: FALLEN AND CAN'T GET UP

After I tripped and was lying on the ground, a passerby said, “Do you need help?” “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up,” I replied. “Actually I could. I just don’t want to. I think I’ll lie here for a few hours.” ... The worst idea by an inventor? A defibrillator that is operated via the clapper. "Clap off ... Oh, I'm so sorry." Read more...

RANDOM THOUGHTS: THE VIEW

And in sad news, two of the original My Little Ponies had to be put down after veterinarians determined they had suffered crippling leg injuries owing to their advanced age. Unfortunately, the Pony Friendship Express Train had to make a stop at the glue factory. To keep the franchise alive, Hasbro is introducing a male pony to the all-female pony lineup called Stud Muffin, who is designed to ensure future generations of the four-legged icons. Read more...

RANDOM THOUGHTS: SANTORUM

Someone asked me what I thought of Santorum. I replied, “Well, if you need help, they can provide good treatment for mental conditions.” "Oh, no. He's a presidential candidate." "I'd say that's a pretty serious mental condition. But it's very curable."

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RANDOM THOUGHTS; BRADY AND GISELLE

GiselleFollowing the Patriots loss to the Giants in the Super Bowl, Giselle, the model who is the wife of New England Quarterback Tom Brady cursed the losing team's receiving corps. Brady was upset. He told her she was a bad girl—a very bad girl—and deserved a spanking. … A friend who had not watched the reality TV series asked me "What is the deadliest catch?" Read more...

RANDOM THOUGHTS: TRUMP’S CEMETERY PLOT

Donald TrumpIt was reported this week that Donald Trump has purchased a cemetery plot near a golf course in New Jersey. Actually, it was two plots: one for Donald and one for his hair. He dropped his original plan for a pyramid and for burying his servants and his possessions with him because he apparently couldn't find a practical way to bury his casinos.

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RANDOM THOUGHTS: GINGRICH AND THE MOON

Newt GingrichGOP presidential candidate Newt Gingrich has been defending his call for a colony on the moon by 2020. But I think he was just practicing to star in an episode of “The Honeymooners”: “To the moon, Alice. To the moon …”

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RANDOM THOUGHTS: TEENAGE DRIVERS

Following a minor traffic accident this week, I was feeling a lot like the Green Bay Packers after the playoff game with the Giants last weekend: All beat up and no place to go. The worst damage was to a black toilet that had been left at the side of the street for pickup. That poor toilet didn’t stand a chance. Read more...

RANDOM THOUGHTS: EURO BLUES

euro symbolA new line is being sung to the “Hokey Pokey” in tribute to financial problems in Europe: “You take the euro up you take the euro down. You take the euro up and you shake it all around.” … The television was just blaring an advertisement for “The Starving Artists Sale”. Read more...

A DEAD MOUSE

Pepsi has denied a man's claim he found parts of a dead mouse in his bottle of Mountain Dew. The company maintains the mouse would have been dissolved by the liquid. I guess there is some truth to the rumor that the original name proposed for the product was "Mouse Away". There was also a report that Roach Motels would now have fountain service of Mountain Dew and Pepsi guaranteeing that "Roaches check in but they don't check out." Read more...

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