Random Thoughts

Random Thoughts (346)

RANDOM THOUGHTS: QUEEN ELIZABETH

Queen Elizabeth IIEngland’s Queen Elizabeth, a fan of the hit TV show, visited the set of the “Game of Thrones” in Northern Ireland recently. After her visit, Prince Charles complained bitterly to his mom that never gets to play. Hey; he should be thankful her favorite show isn’t “Breaking Bad”. She might let him play that. … Apparently 39 individuals cashed in on bets that Uruguay soccer player Luis Suarez would bite someone during the World Cup. He bit Italy's Giorgio Chiellini during their match.  American baseball fans say Suarez was frustrated with the general lack of action in soccer.

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RANDOM THOUGHTS: GM'S BARRA

Mary Barra, General MotorsGeneral Motors has recalled all its cars. "We decided it would just be simpler," CEO Mary Barra said after a series of recalls on new manufactures. The U.S. government is considering combating Sunni militants in Iraq by giving each of them a new G.M. automobile, sort of an automotive version of the I.E.D. (improvised explosive device). ...  I have always been put off at the thought of running a marathon. An event in which the first guy who tried it died just never struck me as a good idea.

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RANDOM THOUGHTS: SPIDERMAN

spidermanIn the upcoming film, "Spiderman, The Later Years", Spidey plunges to death when his faltering ability to generate new strands of web fails him as he swings between skyscrapers. One of his progeny says sadly, "It was his hearing that killed him. We told him not to go up anymore. He thought we said he can't get it up anymore and just laughed." His children, split between those with spider powers and those without, debate traditional burial or wrapping him in silk and sucking the body dry.

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RANDOM THOUGHTS: KIM AND WHO?

Kanye West and Kim KardashianSee that Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are getting married. So nice to see the young folks film their love life, have children, get married and grow up. That is the order isn't it? They did grow up, didn't they? ... Modern math: How many Jenners does it take to equal one Kardashian? Three Kardashians plus six Jenners equal how much real talent? ... Mildly scalded a thigh and nearby parts when the bottom fell out of a hot cup of tea while I was seated. No real damage done, although I thought about getting someone to kiss it and make it better, but figured that might set me back a couple of hundred bucks.

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RANDOM THOUGHTS: EMINEM

EminemRapper Eminem, the most famous Mathers since Jerry, released a Mother's Day album with a tearful rendition of the touching song, "Yo, ma."  Some disappointed classical music fans downloaded the tunes, thinking they were by Yo Yo  Ma.... United has a series of ads on airport jetways, including one labeled "Flyer Friendly", a happy passenger in a cushioned commodious seat being served a wine glass and what looks like a cup of nuts. The headline should have been "Don't You Wish You Could Afford First Class, Peasant?"

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RANDOM THOUGHTS: 24

Kiefer, Sutherland, There are predictions that we will have self-navigating, self-diagnosing cars. This could be a real problem if combined with voice assistant technology. Cars are probably like people—as they age they get cranky: "My joints are stiff. Don't hit the break so hard, it's tender. Hey, if you think this is fun, change your own oil." ... Saw an honest TV add this week. It said the product "is available at these fine retailers near you" and it then added "and at these crappy stores too."

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RANDOM THOUGHTS: LARRY KING

Larry KingThe Public Broadcasting Service is going to bring back its classic mini-series "The Six Wives of Henry the Eighth", followed by the modern classic, "The Eight Wives of Larry King." .. In other celebrity news, a remake of "A Picture of Dorian Gray", the hideous painting hidden in the title character's closet, which shows the impact of a dissolute life, will be played by Rolling Stone Keith Richards. ... A video of elephants accidentally drunk on fermented native fruit at a South African preserve is making the rounds of the web.

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RANDOM THOUGHTS: DONALD DUCK

Donald DuckPolice in Atlanta have brought loitering charges against a man accused of singing poll wolly doodle all day. In a related story, a man in Baltimore doing the hokey pokey was accused of indecent behavior for putting the wrong thing in and shaking it all about. He is being held for observation ... Apparently some editors are growing as tired of those "Ten Things" or whatever number of lists on online services. Saw one this week for "Ten things you could be doing instead of reading this list of 10 things that you could be doing."

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RANDOM THOUGHTS: STARBUCKS

StarbucksWith its frequent need to address problems with its automobiles, General Motors is planning an automatic homing device that brings cars in for recalls. It's called the "Lassie" feature and can find a dealership from hundreds of miles away. ... A sewage treatment plant near Seattle is advertising its availability as a wedding venue. I think I had my first marriage at a sewage plant—oh sorry, that's just how I think of it sometimes.

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RANDOM THOUGHTS: STEVEN SEGAL

Steven SegalAction star Steven Segal has reportedly been selected by Vladimir Putin to help get Russia in shape. Segal is being asked to develop a countrywide exercise regimen and single-handedly lead the next invasion. ... The DNA-testing web site, 23andMe, regularly features surveys that its members can participate in about health. A recent one asked if I had ever been diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome. I replied, "I don't know and I don't care." Actually, I suffer from Hamburger's syndrome and occasionally have an irresistible urge to be covered in onion, lettuce and tomato.

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